


since you've been gone

by sadnsleepy



Category: Captain Marvel (2019)
Genre: Character Study, F/F, Gen, Introspection, Non-Linear Narrative, One Shot, carol is the best aunt/mom, maria is the best mom, rambles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-01
Updated: 2019-04-01
Packaged: 2019-12-30 05:55:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18309533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadnsleepy/pseuds/sadnsleepy
Summary: she takes a deep breath. her heart settles.she can live without carol. (just her and monica)*a study of maria, carol, and monica





	since you've been gone

**Author's Note:**

> i love carol and maria and monica so much. they’re the best family and i had to write this. its rough and unedited, but i knew it’d just rot away in my drafts if i never published it. i want to do more with it though so maybe posting will give me motivation to write
> 
> i refer to carol as monica’s mom in places but also her aunt bc i headcanon them to be rlly good friends at first when monica is first born and they decide to have monica call her auntie and also bc homophobia but carol evolves from aunt figure to mom.

carol’s been gone long enough for maria to have grown used to the pangs of longing and loss that cease to leave her. she and monica have learned to move on, living quietly by themselves. that doesn’t mean there aren’t days where the longing becomes too much to bear, where maria curls up on the sofa around her equally upset daughter. 

sometimes she wishes carol didn’t go on that flight with dr. lawson. but in the end she knows it’s unrealistic. flying was freedom for carol. she craved being up in the air, flying was something innate. the little flying they did in the air force could never satisfy carol. 

other days, she’s. fine. and she feels guilty that she’s moved on from losing carol. guilty that carol will never experience more days living. but those thoughts fade as soon as they come to fruition.

the best days are ones where just monica and maria is enough. where monica is laughing carelessly and carefree. where maria is the same. (soon most days are good days, the best days)

 

*

she takes a deep breath. her heart settles.

she can live without carol. (just her and monica)

*

somedays she mourns the fact that monica didn’t have as much time with carol as maria did. that monica only has her, and not both her moms.

she worries that one day monica will forget. forget how much carol loves her, how much she loves carol. worries one day the feelings monica has for carol will dull, fade away until it’s just a distant memory.

that day hasn’t come yet. but maria fears it will be soon.

*

then, carol comes back. 

at first she thinks her minds playing tricks on her. but it’s so clearly carol, and yet she looks so different.

it’s a heady feeling. everything, all her memories of carol come rushing back so quick. 

she drops her screwdriver.

 

*

the day maria first met carol was at the air force flight academy. 

 

*

maria and monica have trouble adjusting to just the two of them. her parents help out. they help take care of monica when maria just doesn’t have the time or the energy. they help with the housework, they lend a shoulder to cry on on those bad days.

god, if it weren’t for her parents, she doesn’t know what she’d do.

carol loved maria’s parents. they loved her back just as much. sometimes maria thinks that her parents love carol more than they love her.

it’s understandable. everyone loves— loved—carol, maria all the more so.

*

the last words maria ever said to carol were not “i love you.” (she wishes they were)

it wasn’t enough.

nothing would ever be enough.

*

 

but she’s back now.

carol’s alive.

hand over her mouth, maria just gapes--heart unable to take it, mind unable to grapple with the notion that carol’s finally back.

she always knew, deep in her heart, that carol didn’t die. carol loved living. carol was, is, the embodiment of living life. 

 

*

monica comes running out. “auntie carol!” she screams. 

*

they embrace in the backyard. arms squeezing tight around each other like they’re afraid if they let go, everything will be gone. 

they drop away and tears may or may not be brimming in everyone’s eyes.

they step away, blinking back tears.

carol crackles with power, and flies. she pauses, hovering in the air looking back at them.

maria and monica wave up at her.

they stand there for a while, craning their necks up to stare into space. carol long gone from view. then, maria looks down at monica, monica has tears trickling down her face, but stands strong and proud.

carol’s gone again.

but now maria and monica know. she’s saving the universe. and she’s going to be back.

someday.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you guys enjoyed this!! pls comment or kudos!
> 
> if i can dredge up the time and motivation i may or may not go back through and polish it up in the future. who knows. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ 
> 
> thank you all for reading and enjoying! <3
> 
> i'm on tumblr @sadnweepy too!!


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